Your Ego Is Not Your True-Self
Self-inflation’s ill-advised,
You’ll pop when pinpricks are applied.
-Friedrich Nietzsche, Joyous Science (1882)
Friedrich Nietzsche’s witty poem perfectly illustrates the thin veneer that arrogance entails. Arrogance and grandiosity are a false self that people develop as a way to feel admired and valued. The need to feel value through the admiration of others is due to the lack of value and love that a person did not receive as a child.
Dr. Alice Miller mentions in her book, “The Drama of the Gifted Child,” that people gain self-esteem through grandiosity. As soon as that grandiosity is popped like a balloon that person will generally feel empty, because there was no real inner strength to support them in the first place. They will generally fall into a state of depression.
ACTION STEPS
Steps you can take:
Whenever you feel that your ego is boosted too much, you can stop and ask yourself if it is genuine self-esteem. If it isn’t genuine self-esteem, you can stop and reassess your motivations.
You can also meditate, however that may be, and discover what your true aims are.
Speaking with a therapist can be helpful to understand yourself better. A therapist is especially helpful when dealing with childhood trauma and a lack of genuine love from your parents.
References:
Miller, Alice (1979). The Drama of the Gifted Child, pgs 34-36. Basic Books.
Nietzsche, Friedrich (1882). The Joyous Science, pg. 19. Penguin Classics