The Denial of Touch and the Dread It Brings

“One hundred times have I been on the point of embracing her. Heavens! what a torment it is to see so much loveliness passing and repassing before us, and yet not dare to lay hold of it! And laying hold is the most natural of human instincts. Do not children touch everything they see? And I!” - The Sorrows of Young Werther

In Goethe’s “Sorrows of Young Werther,” Werther is obsessed with a married woman named Charlotte who he can’t have. He gets to be close to her in social settings or visiting her home to meet her husband. Werther is close enough to feel her heat and be in her presence but can never touch her.

I think this is a great explanation of the pain we feel when we can’t have that one thing or person that we want but are still obsessed by it. We normalize and become bored of what we can touch all the time. But we become obsessed over that one thing or person that we can’t have and want. That’s when we feel the pain and ache…and then burn inside.

If you think about it, when a child sees and tries to touch toys at the store and is denied, they can go into a full-blown tantrum. Being romantically obsessed with someone that you’re around constantly at and not being able to touch them can be just as excruciating for adults as toys and kids.

Consider it…

You work with someone all day long. They’re already married or with someone else. You can’t get them out of your mind. You’re always wanting to be around them. But you can’t touch, as natural as that urge may be. The pain and ache become overwhelming. Werther’s situation and obsession are universally relatable. I think the real question is…

How do we deal with this burning ache?

Unlike Werther’s character in the book who committed suicide as a solution, a better response would be to shift heartbreak and pain into other parts of our lives. When I need to shift my frustrations into something more positive, I just lift heavier weights at the gym to take my mind off of things.

While acknowledging our feelings are very important, letting our feelings dominate us can lead to depression and hopelessness. Sometimes the people and things we obsess over are just fantasies. Simply realizing that our fantasies aren’t reality can help us to avoid being overwhelmed by them. Werther allowed his fantasies of being with a married woman to become his reality. He became so existentially hopeless that he concluded that suicide was his only option.

That's clearly the wrong outlet.