How to Stop Morally Shaming Ourselves
“The great epochs of our life are at the points when we gain courage to rebaptize our badness as the best in us.”
Ever since we were children, we were told what’s good and what’s bad in us. Our behaviors, actions, attitudes, feelings, decisions, etc. have all been dictated and valued by others as either good or bad.
It is a very powerful and liberating thing to determine our own values. When we rename our badness as the best thing about us, we completely change how we view ourselves.
We avoid shaming from others when we view our badness as a good thing on our own terms. People, especially in positions of power, use shame and guilt as tools to control others. If we redefine what we consider to be good and bad, moral and immoral, we gain more control over our lives.
Personally, when someone tells me “Josh, this is good” or “Josh, this is something bad you did,’ the first question I ask is “says who?” Then I look at the actions and character of the person who is claiming my actions are good or bad.
Very quickly, I begin to realize that the actions or thoughts that I’m being shamed for, I don’t consider them to be bad. I feel more in control of my actions in life after questioning moral judgments from others.
The moral of the story:
determine your own values and morality
have more control over your life
Have you ever turned your badness into a goodness?
Notes:
Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil. aphorism 116