How I Learned to Give Up on Making Friends, and Improved My Life in the Process
For several years I struggled and grappled with developing friendships. With my initial efforts I made several friendships, but only few seemed to stick. Recently, while reading a philosophy book, I gained peace of mind realizing that friendships are mostly a waste of time.
FRIENDS, A LOSING ENDEAVOR
“Our faith in others betrayeth wherein we would fain have faith in ourselves. Our longing for a friend is our betrayer.” -Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra, (1883)
In his book, Thus Spake Zarathustra, 19th century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche sought to help humanity evolve past where we’ve been for thousands of years. He foresaw the collapse of Western Civilization and Christianity, and wanted to show that life can still having meaning. The book discussed various topics on how humanity could surpass itself and we could become Supermen (or in German, Ubermench).
“ As yet woman is not capable of friendship. But tell me, ye men, who of you are capable of friendship?”
When it came to the topic of friends in the book, Nietzsche did not advocate friendship. Instead, Nietzsche was very dismissive of it. The reason is that believing in friends takes away from our belief in ourselves. Instead of focusing on improving ourselves and evolving, we waste it on friendships that are fruitless anyways.
IF YOU DO HAVE A FRIEND
“Thou canst not adorn thyself fine enough for thy friend; for thou shalt be unto him an arrow and a longing for the Superman…O my friend, man is something that hath to be surpassed”
Nietzsche argued that if you do have a friend, be a “a longing for the Superman” towards your friend. In other words, be the most excellent and evolved person that you can if you have a friend. Show them how to become a higher quality person.
FRIEND OR ENEMY
“As much as ye give to your friend, will I give to my foes, and will not have become poorer thereby.”
Nietzsche understood that hardship and suffering can make us stronger. His most famous and quoted saying is “that which does not kill me only makes me stronger.” Nietzsche saw the benefit in having enemies to sharpen up and struggle against. To Nietzsche, having enemies was just as important to him as others saw in having friends. An enemy can bring out the best in you.
3 TAKEAWAYS ABOUT FRIENDS
Focusing on friendships can be a waste of time for you. Instead focus more on evolving yourself. Friendships come and go.
If you do have a friendship, be a high quality and excellent example for your friend. They can be you companions in life.
An enemy can be just important as a friend. Focusing on the struggles that your enemy gives you can toughen you up and make you stronger.
Notes:
Nietzsche, Friedrich. (1997). Thus Spake Zarathustra. (pages 53-54). Wordsworth Editions Limited.